Friday, February 20, 2009

Answers and feelings

To answer Nancy's questions - Yes, I was on the list and they didn't hold a spot. So crappy. But I'm trying to focus on what could be a very positive thing coming out of this. More on that later. I think that is a good idea to have Nathan take on from evenings till 12:30 am. I think you and your husband have had some practice and know what works. I just try to do everything and break down and beg for help when I'm exhausted. I agree that it seems that I should let Nathan sleep, but I really don't feel like I'm getting to veg out and rest during the day. The baby only takes tiny naps and likes to be held a lot and fed a lot. Maybe we will try your plan next week. I think I also need to go to bed as early as possible.

Last night was much better. I was ready for bed at 8:30 and fed the baby and took care of him till 9:30. Then I slept. Baby wasn't sleepy so Nathan rocked him till 11:00. Then I fed at 12:00, and he went to sleep! Hallelujah! Till 4 am!! I did accidentally fall asleep with him in bed. I really didn't mean to. Then he slept till 6 am, ate, slept till about 8:30.

I've really been freaking about child care and working. I have been thinking about it, and since the daycare didn't work out... I asked my sister in law, brother's wife, mom to Mya, to keep Chesley while I work. She is moving here next weekend and doesn't have a job yet. She is very excited. My brother is a little worried about money and her driving 25 mins to my house, but I think it will work out. I'm keeping the mindset that if it doesn't work out, I'm hoping she can at least watch him till I find a daycare. It's a sacrifice for us because we will be paying her more than daycare costs, but he will be getting love and attention all day. And I'm a little worried about Mya being gentle on the baby and on my house. But we do have the big living room we don't use that will be perfect for the kids to play and Paulina to watch tv and hang out.
At first I thought I could take Chesley to her house, but it's kind of far, and I would have to drive there twice. Paulina would only have to drive once. I'm not sure what I will do about backup if she can't keep him. I'm still cautiously optimistic. I do think daycare will be better when he gets bigger, but for now I'm glad he will get more attention and be close to his aunt and cousin.

I have a lot of mixed feelings about going back to work. On one hand I will be glad to be back in the world of adults. We have to have the income. Not an option right now to sell the house and move. But I'm wondering how much time I will really get to spend with my little guy. I have a hard time getting things done around the house now. I wonder how I will do it working 5 days a week and still manage to spend time with the little boy. I guess I'll have to let things go sometimes and maybe get our family to help out once in a while. And I know that at some point lil boy will actually sit and play with toys instead of wanting to be held 24/7. Not that I don't love holding him, I just can't do anything else. I do put him down on the activity mat if he's in a good mood and he'll do that for about 10-15 mins or swing for 10-15 mins. He's still pretty fussy a lot, which is a main reason I'm glad he will have someone to care for only him and one other kid. I'm wondering how we will come up with the extra money, but I'm sure we will somehow. I have a dependant care account that lets me set aside tax free money every payday for childcare expenses. So the first $3500 will come out of that. So for a while it won't seem like we're paying anything. Then after that, we'll just have to make sacrifices, which I'm more than willing to do.

I actually think sometimes, what can I give up to make this work? Expensive makeup, clothes, perfume, shampoo, I can live without that stuff. I can cut back on eating out at work and try to cook at home, which does require help. I hope my husband is thinking along these lines too. I worry that he is upset over what he will miss out on, finishing his car. Health insurance is another big expense at extra $270 a month. Maybe we could sell one of our vehicles to help out. It's not a big deal to me. I love this kid and will do what I need to do to make everything work. And missing out on any of these things won't be a problem at all for me. Just think of what I've gained!

1 comment:

  1. Definitely - we've had practice and know what works. That's why I even gave you my ideas, since I know it works from having the practice.

    Oh - and take "vegging out on the couch" with a grain of salt. I just mean that if we are exhausted, we don't have to perform a paying job - we are at home. Being exhausted won't affect our careers - know what I mean? It totally sucks for us when we're exhausted because there is no choice but to take care of a little baby, but we can do that in our jammies and do the least bit possible. Even with nursing, nurse with him on the boppy and fall asleep sitting up! :)

    I used to do that "wait until I'm exhausted and then ask for help" thing, but things can go drastically downhill when we don't get the help we need so badly. And arguing at this time is just never a good idea (I've had drag down, knock out fights at 4am!) This usually leads to temporary mental breakdowns on my part.

    I'm glad last night was better. You just need some consistent sleep like that now.

    About him not wanting to get held all the time - I think you are doing a good job. The fact you put him down in his swing, on his activity mat, in a bouncy chair, etc - even if it's for only 5 minutes at a time, is GOOD! That's how you start. It will slowly get to be longer periods of time as he learns to entertain himself. If you simply held him all the time - he would never ever learn. And then you'd have a baby who will freak out when having to go to daycare when you go to work who just doesn't know what to do when not being held. Just keep doing what you are doing.

    I would also suggest starting to lay him down in his crib while awake to start getting him used to it. Karl will sometimes fall asleep, but most of the time this early, he'll start crying and I'll get him within 3 minutes (letting him cry just that short amount of time). Both Ella and Allison, by the time I was done "training" them to fall asleep, I was able to put them in their cribs at bedtime, wide awake, and they'd go to sleep. People would compliment them on that all the time. It was wonderful. The girls are like this even today. We have no "bedtime" drama!

    As for worrying about your time with him when you go back to work - an amazing thing ends up happening. The time you have with him when home - ends up being such high quality time. When you are with him all the time, the days just pass. You are with him, but that's all you know. You do what you can to keep him happy like you always have. But then when you are at work all day, the time you have suddenly is this special time. And it's suddenly BETTER than any time I had spent with the kids before.

    PLUS, I'm a better, happier person when I'm working. I love my "nancy time" and I love my "mommy time". Two definitely different times and they are both important for eachother to exist. I'm a better mom when I work! It's like I appreciate that time SO MUCH MORE.

    I get 1 hour with the kids in the morning while I eat breakfast with them and get them dressed. Then I get home at 5:30p and spend the next 3 hours loving every second. So it's 4 hours/day during the week. Those 4 hours/day of special time I cherish is BETTER than 12 hours of just normal time.

    And this just happened. Without trying. When I was home, I was just getting through the day. When I was working, I felt GOOD about myself. I was making money, socializing, etc. I was a happy person. Then I would come home as this fulfilled person. I AM a better mom when I'm a happier Nancy.

    Sorry that was so long, but I thought it may help calm some of your fears.


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