I Have Not Forgotten

Ok, so I had this on my heart to write about, and I just saw that Nancy posted on the same topic. I guess we were both thinking about it.

I have not forgotten what a struggle I went through to get pregnant. I will never forget how it feels to want a baby and not be able to get pregnant on my own. I've already given all of the details in one of my first posts, so I won't go into all of that.

I sometimes feel bad about complaining too much about the pregnancy. It really is difficult to carry around and make a baby. God promised us after the fall of Adam and Eve that it would be difficult. But I am extremely thankful that I am given the opportunity to bring one of God's children into my family.

Since I was very young, I've always loved babies and children. I've always known that I wanted to have a baby. Getting married was very exciting for me because I knew that the time was coming where I could have a baby. We started trying after being married a little over a year with no luck. I saw friends and family have babies, planned and unplanned, some after the first try or a few months of trying. That is so hard to see, but I resolved myself that I would be joyful for the families for their new babies. I would not let my IF (infertility) make me bitter. I truly loved every child that I held, keeping my jealousy at bay. Not to say it wasn't hard. After holding a new baby or going to a baby shower, I would go home and slip into a brief depression. I'm glad that Nathan was there for me through that and was always good to me. Baby showers were so hard. I really enjoyed them, but I always dreaded when people asked me, "When are you having a baby?". I didn't realized how hard baby showers were for me until I attended one about a month ago and had such a great time and felt so excited for the new mom-to-be. It was a completely different experience that I had ever felt.

I never really gave it much thought as to what kind of pregnant girl I would be. Here are the two main categories of pregnant women (according to Hollie).

The Fragile Flower - This pregnant girl loves the idea of being a new mom and having a precious child, however, she complains a lot, is always tired, always at the dr or calling the dr worrying, and has a hard time being pregnant. She likes to stay home and rest.

The Warrior Woman - This strong woman thinks that all woman should carry on with life as normal through pregnancy, keep exercising, cooking, cleaning, working, doesn't experience many painful symptoms, and if she does, she doesn't worry and doesn' t complain.

Most ladies probably fall somewhere in between. Let's say Fragile Flower is a 0 and Warrior Woman is a 10. I would give myself... about a 3.5. I do work, clean, cook, but not as much as normal. I go to the dr a lot, and I certainly like to stay home and rest as much as possible. Something is always hurting. I thought I would been more of a Warrior Woman, but I'm not. I don't feel like I can help it. I do possess a slight glow of pregnancy. I like talking about the baby. I like rubbing my belly and feeling the baby move.

So, my point... I'm not really sure. I just wanted to share how I'm feeling and to say to my friends who are TTC (trying to conceive) that I've been there, and when I say that I'm thinking about you and praying for you, I really am. I really want each of you to get pregnant, soon. My meager advice, if you are the praying type, pray a lot. Go see the RE (reproductive endocrinologist) or your OB. Take all the help you can get. I'm thankful I was in a clinical study, and we did not have to spend a lot of money. But I would if I had to. I say to go for it. Your best chances are when you are young. You don't want to pass up your best chance and then decide later that you do want to get help from the dr. Have a support system, internet friends going through the same things as you, church, family, friends. Keep your husband close. And for the most part, take any advice you get (including mine) and put it to the side and follow your heart.

If you are not TTC and are just a friend reading my blog, take heart for your friends who are TTC, and remember that you never know who is sufferering from IF. They don't always tell people. So try to be sensitive when you ask people when they are having babies.

For my fellow pregnant friends, here's to each of us, with all of our differences and likenesses, may our children be healthy and our husbands stick by our sides! And just for fun, give yourself a score on the Fragile Flower - Warrior Woman scale.