For the past few weeks, it’s really hit me that I’m going to be a parent. A little person is going to enter our home, and we are responsible for his development. The focus of trying to conceive was always to have a child, but the main goal was getting pregnant. Then the focus of pregnancy is to be healthy and deliver a baby and learn how to feed and care for the baby. But there’s so much more to come soon after that, which I know of course, but reality is setting in, and I’m thinking about that a lot more now.
I’ve been reflecting a lot on my childhood, the good and the bad parts, and thinking about how Chesley’s childhood will be. Me and mom were always very close, and I know my kids will be close to her too. Just seeing the way Mya’s eyes light up when I mention Mimi (my mom) makes me excited for my child to feel that way. I grew up with a lot of love, but also a lot of anger from my dad. I know that has affected me and my brother. Just the thought of being a parent makes me think about certain situations, and I shudder to think that I could get so angry at my child. On a more positive note, I was very close to my grandparents. I have so many happy memories with them. Grandma passed away in 2003, but Grampa is thankfully still with us and doing well. I’m sad when I think that my kids will not know my Grandma, but her love for me and my brother added so much to our lives and will not be forgotten.
What kind of mom will I be? Here are my feelings about that now. We will revisit this after he’s born to see what I stick with and right and wrong this is!
I know I will be anal about germs and being gentle with him when he is newborn and very young. He will not be in large crowds of people for at least 6 weeks. It will make me very nervous for children to handle him. I won’t like people kissing him all over, (MOM…). I’ve already told Mom about my no kissing rule, one kiss on the forehead is good. Ok, so very anal.
I will breastfeed hopefully for one year, so he probably won’t get to spend the night away from me till he is weaned. I can’t see myself trying to pump in the middle of the night to relieve my breasts while he is away. Hopefully when he gets older I’ll chill out and let things slide.
I will not be anal about solid foods. He will get French fries, cookies, ice cream, and sweets. He will also get fruits and veggies, but I want him to enjoy food and learn moderation.
It will be hard for me to let him make big messes. I’m sort of a clean freak. I will not let toys take over my house.
He will not sleep in the bed with us. The risk for SIDS is enough to scare me away from that. Plus Nathan throws elbows around, so it wouldn’t be very safe. I’m planning on trying to keep him in the playpen for a few weeks until he sleeps at least a few hours at a time. Then we’ll move him to his bed.
Only time will tell…